Seeking Joy


rw proverbs

The passing of funny man, Robin Williams, broke many hearts. There was an outpouring of love for him, which made me think about how much pain he must have been in to take his life when so many loved him. From the outside it looked like he had it all. Fame, fortune and the love of millions. When you think of someone who is hurting enough to kill themselves, you don’t usually think of someone  known for being funny and bringing laughter into the hearts of so many. Depression usually has the face of a bullied teen or a person who has had a rough life or someone who is lacking things like a home or job. Robin Williams had more than enough money, he was so talented and lived a life many dream about. It goes to show that those “things” mean nothing when you are broken inside. We will never know exactly what went on in Robin’s mind or anyone who commits suicide, but I know it is a dark place to be.


I also suffer from depression.I hate typing those words out. I am a Christian I am supposed to be strong. I have God living in me, but the truth is my flesh gets in the way. My mind fills up with moments of feeling worthless. I may not have as much money as Robin but I do well. I have a beautiful home, I am married, I have an awesome child and have had a great life. I have had the typical sad moments..but nothing like finding out I have Parkinson’s. What I do have though is the love of my Heavenly Father. Not once, even in my lowest moments, did I ever question that love. NOT ONCE. That is the peace that I think Robin was lacking. I can’t speak about his faith, so I don’t want to assume he did not know God. He grew up in church but mocked religion many times. Only God knows his heart. I couldn’t imagine going through depression without God. I really can’t imagine going through anything good or bad without God.

I wanted to write this post far before I heard about the passing of Robin Williams. Depression is something that affects many. There has been a surge in the use of anti-depressants and so many people suffer from depression. I was prescribed many pills over the years, but I refuse to take them. I know that  I serve a mighty God who can get me through my bad days. I need to learn to lean on him and find peace that only He can give me.

The root of depression, for me at least, is change. There is something about myself that I don’t like and I beat myself up about it. Each time I fail it gets worse. I am reading a great book right now called: “Lord. Change.Me“. by James Macdonald. He wrote something very encouraging that I think everyone suffering from depression should read (actually everyone should read it).

Maybe it’s not so small.

Something no else knows about.

You’ve tried and tried and tried…

and failed.

Now you feel stuck.


Guilty perhaps.

Bad habits, anger, fear, bitterness, relational fallout.

Does it seem beyond your control?

Is it really?

Or is something telling you there’ still hope?

Because there is.

Remember this:

There’s only one source of lasting change.

And it’s not you.

But He’s closer than you think.

Just look up.

God wants to transform you.

He’s waiting now to hear your prayer…

Lord change me.

How I wish I could have shared these words with Robin. I wish I could tell this to anyone who feels ashamed of their past, alone in their present or afraid of their future. I am seeking  joy. I am trading my sorrow….hmmm I feel a song coming on…come on now join with me:

I’m pressed but not crushed persecuted not abandoned
Struck down but not destroyed
I’m blessed beyond the curse for his promise will endure
And His joy’s gonna be my strength

Though the sorrow may last for the night
His joy comes with the morning

I pray that we find comfort in these words and know that we serve a God who is merciful and full of grace. No matter what we think of ourselves, God has great plans for us, we just need to be willing to follow Him. Even in our loneliest hour… He is always there.


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